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Who You Are is How You Lead – Q&A

Over the past two weeks, I have shared information about the challenges of navigating conflicting values and polarization. Last week we left off with “know your values, be honest about your context, and lead people toward your goal”. Sounds simple enough, but it is not as simple as it sounds. I asked you to reflect upon: Being vulnerable, developing self-control, being generous, and showing care. With that in mind, I want to focus on how best to navigate the challenges.  

Through a “Question and Answer” format, Sara Thomas and I want to offer some insights to help equip you to be the leader you have been created to be. We want to offer some guardrails to help you navigate the challenges (If you are joining this conversation with this blog, I encourage you to go back and read the two previous blogs, “Who You Are Is How You Lead” and “Who You Are Is How You Lead Part 2”). 

Question 1

Tim:  

Let’s get specific regarding being vulnerable. I have heard friends and colleagues say things like, “I’ve repeatedly been told by family members (and church members) that I’m wrong about wearing masks or about COVID-19. Some conversations have been hurtful. And if I’m honest, some words and insinuations come close to being hateful. You want me to be vulnerable with them?” Sara, what does it mean to be vulnerable within that context? 

Sara:

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is agree to disagree. You may not be able to be vulnerable with your brother in law about politics or faith.  Can you practice vulnerability around your nieces and nephews? Your sibling? Parents? About work? The hobby you’re both learning?  

And one more thing, vulnerability isn’t bleeding all over people. That’s a medical emergency. Vulnerability is the emotion we feel during times of uncertainty, risk, or emotional exposure. Know this: vulnerability necessitates trust. To build trust necessitates vulnerability. Where one is lacking, neither will happen. My encouragement is this: practice naming when you feel vulnerable. That’s the first step. Then take a second step.  

As I coach leaders, I often see when we’re stuck, we’re trying to address the whole challenge. Instead, ask yourself, what CAN I do? What’s the baby step, first step, or starting point to get moving? Said differently, don’t try and run the marathon before you’ve run to the corner.

Question 2a

Tim:

I have heard leaders ask the question, “When is enough, enough? How much do I have to tolerate?” I get the feeling there are times we want to just let go and give people a piece of our minds, or to let them have it. Let’s take a current example of wearing masks inside the church building. What does it mean to “develop self-control?”

Sara:

Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. So, you’re not off base in encouraging it in leaders. And, as you encouraged leaders to remember, “who they are is how they lead” you pointed to values, goals, and current reality. Say more about mask-wearing because I feel like there is a question behind the question.  

Question 2b

Tim: Well, let’s take the person or group of persons who refuse to wear a mask.

Sara: Ok, that’s where I thought you were going. But I wanted to hear it from you. 

I don’t know that any of us can say, “I am going to have self-control” and it just happens. You have self-control because it’s tied to something that is important. When it comes to disagreements about masks, as silly as it seems to some, people are getting information from different places to inform their decisions. So, in one sense, it’s complex. In another sense, it’s a simple act of compassion and care. Self-control comes into play by asking yourself, is it worth fighting over where you get your information. Or is it more important to love and care for others? If it’s so important to you to be right and that takes priority over loving others, I’d invite you to ask yourself what is your primary value? Then, invite the person with whom you’re in conversation to do the same. Then, you’ll begin to understand what’s motivating the actions. Without that, you’re going to continue to test one another’s patience and at some point, someone will likely lose self-control.  

Question 3

Sara:

I remember saying to you, “What’s the most generous interpretation you can make of this situation?” It’s a question about one aspect of building trust. Several months later, you talked about making a decision to ask that question. Because we have lots of conversations, I don’t expect everything we talk about to be acted upon. What made you embrace the above question and begin to integrate it into how you lead?   

Tim:

As leaders, we often encounter people who disagree with us, who disappoint us, and who say one thing and do another. Our tendency is to go to the worst-case scenario. Because I was going to the worst place I could go, I asked myself the question, “Is this where I begin as a follower of Jesus?” I realized the worst-case scenario was NOT the best place to start. Instead, I chose to love people as Jesus loves me. That is where I wanted to begin. As annoying as the question seemed at one point, it’s where I start now.

Sara:

So, it was a conscious decision you made to ask the question, “What’s the most generous interpretation I can make?  

Tim:  

Yes. 

Sara:

Has that question been easy to answer in the midst of disagreements and disappointments?

Tim:  

Easy? No. 

Loving? Yes. 

It’s been a helpful way to reframe what I was initially thinking and to start in a more loving place with people. It is the way I took another step toward becoming the person and the leader God created me to be.

Sara:

What’s another way you show generosity? 

Tim:  

By care and compassion. 

Sara:

What do care, and compassion look like? 

Tim: 

One way it works for me is not to dehumanize people. I don’t want to make people my enemy. If I have a disagreement with someone, I want to have a face-to-face conversation with him or her. It is in the conversation that we can find common ground and at the very least connect as humans. What I have discovered is, there are times that the care and compassion I extend to others by listening ends up being care and compassion for myself. 

Sara:

How? 

Tim: 

Well, if I make a decision that the person I’m in disagreement with is a child of God, I’m choosing to love one of God’s children. To love that person as God has loved me. At the end of the day, if I’ve responded in love, then I know I have done what I can – whether or not that person ever agrees with me. By loving, I am not only being who God created me to be, but I am modeling unselfish compassion and care. 

Your Next Step: Who You Are is How You Lead

So, how are you doing? The question and answers offered above are intended to be a guide for you as you continue to lead during a time of conflict and confusion. Remember, be clear regarding your purpose in life and love others as God in Christ has loved you. Who you are is how you lead.

Let me remind you again, you are not alone. Sara Thomas and I are with you in your leadership journey. When we can be of encouragement or help, contact us at connect@transformingmission.org. We are ready to assist you with insights and resources in becoming a courageous leader.

Check out the LeaderCast podcast and the show notes. This month, Sara and I are talking with leaders about purpose. You’ll find resources and questions to guide you in living into your purpose. It’s one resource you will want to have as you navigate the challenges of 2021.

Who you are is how you lead. Let’s face the challenges of leadership together.  

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Who You Are is How You Lead – Part 2

Over the past several weeks you have been navigating the waters of conflicting values. Whether it has been the civil and political unrest, the numbers of people dying from COVID-19, or the displays of racism and white supremacy, the conflicts keep coming as angry waves in the midst of a storm. 

At best it is surreal and overwhelming.  At worst it is numbing and paralyzing.           

How do you care for people and lead during such upheaval and conflict? To answer that question, you must be clear regarding your values. 

Who you are is how you lead. 

Differentiate Yourself as a Jesus Follower

As a follower of Jesus, how do you differentiate yourself when you encounter people of different values?  To care for and lead the people entrusted to your care, you must know your values. Last week I asked you to look deep within to discover what values motivate you. 

To care for and lead the people entrusted to your care, you must be honest about your current reality. Last week I asked you to make an honest assessment of your current reality. To navigate the waters of conflicting values, you need to know yourself and know your context. This is where we stopped last week. 

So, let’s continue with naming another part of current reality. 

Know current reality. Be truthful about your context. 

Prolonged hatred leads to dehumanization. 

Dehumanization is the act of seeing a person as inferior, uncivilized, or less than human. This happens when feelings of hatred developed toward an individual become redirected toward the entire group that person belongs to.

When you see others as less than human, you rationalize violence, cruelty, and hate by comparing persons to animals. Individuals who would never murder another person find it easy to kill a “subhuman” enemy. Especially when you can shoot first and ask questions later.

When someone says “Black Lives Matter,” if you immediately want to dismiss it because you feel you are being left out or, even worse, you are elevating black persons to the same level you are, pause and check yourself.

What happened to “loving one another as I have loved you”? If you say, “Oh, that doesn’t mean everyone, only humans.” Once again, check yourself. Remember, who you are is how you lead.

Harboring Hate, Feeling Powerless

Hatred leads to a desire for revenge or to take action against a perceived threat. Some people harbor hatred for others, become energized by it, and express it through violent acts. 

I have learned that such people feel powerless. 

Rather than facing their anxiety they project it negatively upon another person or group of persons. They attach themselves to someone who they perceive has power.  Then, all in the name of power, they blindly follow the dictates of that person. To say that hatred can have you do some crazy things is an understatement.

There is little self-awareness, vulnerability, or empathy. This is the one big mistake that people motivated by hatred make. 

The power is not in strength. The power is in vulnerability.  

After all, it is the vulnerable act of Jesus dying on a cross that saves us. The power is in the new life brought about through vulnerability. Who you are is how you lead. 

Know where you are going. 

This is your mission or goal. For the sake of this article:

  • Create, equip, and resource a community of Jesus followers where radical love is practiced in acts of kindness and compassion; a community of relationships where love transcends cultural and racial division. When talking about such community and relationships, G.K. Chesterton put it this way, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.” 
  • Create, equip, and resources a community of Jesus followers where poverty, hunger, and homelessness will not be tolerated; where racism and all forms of discrimination, bigotry, and prejudice will be replaced by an all-inclusive spirit of relationships to all people; where love and trust will be vulnerable in the midst of fear and hatred; and where there will be peaceful conflict resolution and reconciliation of adversaries.

Dr. Martin Luther King said it this way, “The end is reconciliation; the end is redemption; the end is the creation of the Beloved Community. It is this type of spirit and this type of love that can transform opponents into friends. It is this type of understanding goodwill that will transform the deep gloom of the old age into the exuberant gladness of the new age. It is this love which will bring about miracles in the hearts of men (people).” 

That sounds like a lofty goal, but it is the description of the kingdom of God. Isn’t God’s love our goal? Know your values, be honest about your context, and lead people toward the goal. 

A Few Reminders

Be vulnerable.

You have a right to protect yourself and your family. You don’t have the right to take human life. As a citizen of this country, you can stand your ground. As a citizen of the human race, you do not have the right to take a human life. Who you are is how you lead.

Develop self-control

Don’t use hurtful harmful words but helpful words, the kind that build-up and do good to those who hear them. It matters what you say and how you say it. What is on the inside will find its way to the outside. Who you are is how you lead.

Be generous

As a leader, you will encounter people who disagree with you, who disappoint you, and who say one thing and do another. Be generous in your response to persons. Considering the situation. Are they doing the best they can? How can you assist persons in becoming who they were created to be? Who you are is how you lead.

Show care

As difficult as it is, love the people around you as you have been loved. Be creative and commit yourself to be a model of unselfish compassion and service. Who you are is how you lead. 

I’ll have more to say about the above themes next week. Until then, reflect on what I’ve shared above. Know that each theme has boundaries. Knowing who you are is about defining expectations. I’ve outlined some expectations of Christian leaders in this two-part series. Next week, I’ll share more about boundaries.  

An Invitation

Please know you are not alone. Sara Thomas and I are with you in your leadership journey. If these expectations leave you recognizing you need support to lead in this way, contact us at connect@transformingmission.org. We are ready to come alongside you as you deepen your understanding of courageous, faithful leadership.

Another place to begin is by listening to the LeaderCast podcast.

This month, Sara and I are talking with leaders about purpose. (See Episodes 159, 160, 161 and next week, episode 162). This is one resource you will want to have as you navigate the challenges of 2021. 

Remember, who you are is how you lead. Let’s face what is coming together.

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Who You Are Is How You Lead

How are you doing today? Since I last checked, you have celebrated the hope of Advent and the joy Christmas. You ended the unbelievable year of 2020 and started a new year with expectation and resolve. I am assuming the events of the past week were not part of your plan for the new year. So, I am checking on you. How are you doing? 

With the COVID pandemic and racial unrest as present realities, I don’t need to go over all the events of the past week. But from the funeral service for Andre Hill, to the Stand Your Ground bill that was passed by the state legislature, to the domestic terrorism at the Capitol in Washington, it has been one emotional roller coaster.  

How Do You Lead in Times Like These?

I understand if you are feeling angry, disappointed, afraid, frustrated, and weary.  I say I understand because those are the emotions I felt last week and continue to wrestle with today. I have talked with colleagues and friends who are feeling the same. With all this stuff, piled onto what you were already navigating, enough is enough. There is even a penalty in football for piling on.

So, how do you lead in the midst of the times in which we are living? Last week I asked the question, “wouldn’t it feel good to be in your sweet spot, to be in the groove where you are your most effective and are making your greatest impact, and at the same time living a joy filled life?” 

Sure, we all want that. Well, it starts with becoming who you are created to be. Who you are is how you lead.  Even in the middle of pandemics, racial unrest, and political violence.  Who you are is how you lead.

Check In on Emotions, Voice Your Grief

Last week, when I was getting angry and feeling helpless and weary, I called a few friends to talk about what was happening and to voice my grief.  I have found that a few good friends, who love and accept me for who I am, help me think clearly and to speak responsibly. 

At the time I was feeling that my writing in response to racial injustice, the pandemic, and the political climate, was not making much difference. But through those conversations, prayer, and reflection, I have decided I needed to share what I am learning regarding courageous leadership. It is my hope these insights will assist you as a leader at this point and time in history. 

Who Are You?

The big question for me is, do you know at your core who you are? This is a question of values. As a follower of Jesus, how do you differentiate yourself when you encounter people of different values?  Your answer is revealed in the way you lead when you either respond or react to people with whom you disagree. 

Who you are is the way you lead.

When you know and honor your values, life is good. Even in the midst of uncertainty and turmoil, you have a place to stand. But if you don’t know and understand your values, you will be shaped by the values of others. 

I’m going out on a limb here to say, part of what you have experienced over the past several days and weeks are values contrary to your own. So, how do you lead in such conflict? 

Know your values. 

As an example, as a follower of Jesus, one of your core values might be love (I certainly hope it is). Now, I’m not talking about warm and fuzzy feelings centered on romance or friendship. Although both are important, I’m talking about love, regardless of feelings, that is centered in the well-being of others  

It is the love that takes others seriously. It is centered in action. It works for the good of others even in the midst of disagreement and misunderstanding. It is vulnerable, empathetic, and listens.  It provides a caring and safe place for all people to develop relationships and to become who God created them to be. (For more on the value of love in leadership, read “Lead With Love” October 13, 2020 at www.transformingmission.org/blog or listen to Episodes 131 and 132 of LeaderCast, “Love as You  Have Been Love” August 3, 2020 and “God’s Love for the World” August 5, 2020 at www.transformingmission.org/podcast). 

Know current reality. 

In other words, be truthful about your context. Over the past several weeks, we have experienced different expressions of hatred. From the shooting of an unarmed black man to the acts of violence at the Capitol, hatred is at the root of such actions. I know that is a strong word, but what I have learned is hatred is a value expressed by some people today. 

As a follower of Jesus, hatred is not on your radar. You don’t even like talking about hatred. But hatred is part of our current reality. So, how do you lead in the midst of hatred?

Leading Amid Hatred

Hatred is a sustained feeling of intense dislike for another person or a group of persons. It is shown in an ongoing hostility that uses up emotional energy. When someone has hatred for another person, they often spend much of their time fixated on their anger, contempt, or dislike of the other person.

Some researchers believe we all have the capacity to hate, while other researchers believe true hatred is uncommon. What is clear is that hatred tends to emerge as a learned emotion that flourishes in the absence of compassion. 

As we have discussed in the past, compassion is one of the characteristics people look for in their leaders. If hatred flourishes in the absence of compassion, then hatred as little to do with courageous leadership. Who you are is how you lead.

Don’t Allow Hatred to Take Over

When you let hatred in, hatred takes over. For example, on September 11, 2001, our culture normalized hatred when we collectively said, “someone has to pay for what has happened.” I don’t disagree. But what we did was to set our sights upon everyone related to the Islamic religion. Instead of holding a few extremists responsible, we placed our hatred toward all Moslems.  

As a country, we were unified in our resolve to bring to justice the perpetrator of the events. We invaded other countries. We became suspicious of anyone who dressed differently and talked with an accent, especially on airplanes. When we found and killed Osama Bin Laden, our hatred did not go away. We redirected our hatred toward persons around us. To maintain such feelings, we put people, objects of our hatred, into categories like immigrants, blacks, Mexicans, etc. Without even realizing it, we placed ourselves in positions of supremacy and privilege.  To maintain such positions, we could not let go of our hatred. Or maybe a better way to say it is, we let our hatred hang onto us. Once you let hatred in, hatred doesn’t care.

So, out of our hatred, we have given normalcy to standing your ground, getting back what is rightfully yours, and making sure no one gets anything you don’t get first. The words “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” are words on a page. There is little courageous leadership without vulnerability and empathy. Who you are is how you lead. 

Continue the Exploration

Know your values and be honest about your current reality. I’ll pick up at this point next week. Until then, look deep within yourself and discover what value motivates you.  

Make an honest assessment of your current reality. To navigate the waters of conflicting values, you need to know yourself and know your context. Who you are is how you lead.  

Please know you are not alone. Sara Thomas and I are with you in your leadership journey. When we can be of encouragement or help, contact us at connect@transformingmission.org. We are ready to assist you with insights and resources in becoming a courageous leader. 

Check out our LeaderCast podcast. This month, Sara and I are talking with leaders about purpose. This is one resource you will want to have as you navigate the challenges of 2021. Remember, who you are is how you lead. Let’s face what is coming together.

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Leadership and Purpose

Happy New Year!

I want to start with these words for this new year, “Who you are is how you lead.” 

You are now asking, “what does that mean?” Let’s think of this way. How often have you heard someone say about a person who is happy, joy filled, clicking on all cylinders, “She was born to do this” or “He was born to do that.” Those words are often spoken about persons who are being who they were created to be. They have a purpose in who they are and how they live, work, and play.   

Focus on Your Purpose

As you step into this new year, you have the opportunity to focus upon your purpose for living, loving, and leading. Why are you doing what you are doing? What is your purpose as a leader? As a parent? Or as a colleague? As a human being? 

Your purpose grows out of the essence of who you are. It is the natural flow of your strengths and talents as they are related to the people you serve and to the context in which you are living and working.  Too often people inhibit or ignore this flow, but it is always there. It is what you do because it is who you are. How it gets lived out depends on your ability to recognize it, claim it, and live into it.    

What is Your Purpose?

Contrary to what some people think, your purpose is not a list of accomplishments, education, experience, and skills you have gathered in your life. It is not a professional title, limited to your current job or assignment. Each of these things are important and might assist you in living out your purpose, but none of these things define who you are. 

Your purpose is who you were created to be. Paul came close to defining purpose in his letter to the Ephesians when he wrote, “we are God’s accomplishment, created in Christ Jesus to do good things. God planned for these good things to be the way that we live our lives” (Ephesians 2:10 CEB).  You have been created for a purpose. 

In her book, Kingdom Calling: Vocational Stewardship for the Common Good, Amy Sherman writes that purpose in leadership is significantly related to leader effectiveness. She points out that purpose is found in the center of God’s priorities, personal gifts and passions, and the world’s needs. 

What is a Leader’s Purpose?

With that in mind and using Brene Brown’s definition of leadership, your purpose, as a leader, is about taking responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and processes and then developing that potential. Living out your purpose and how it relates to the people you serve transforms the world. 

My purpose is to assist you in becoming the person you are created to be. Whether you are a leader, parent, preacher, or pastor, I find great joy and satisfaction is assisting you to use your strengths and talents in the context in which you are living and working. 

So, what is your purpose? I know someone, because of who he is, naturally finds ways to affirm and encourage the people around him. He actively engages in ways to help people live into their potential.  When Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, he bought coffee mugs, with these words “Women belong in all places where decisions are being made” on the mugs and gave them out to the people whom he supervises. I am sure he was not trying to make a statement but was naturally offering himself in helping the people around him live into their full potential.  

So, what is your purpose? 

How are you living your purpose in relationship to the people around you and the context in which you live and work. Here are five reasons your purpose helps you become the leader you are created to be. 

Purpose motivates.

Many of us talk of what we do as our calling, as our vocation. What does that mean to you? Are you called to an institution, a business, a particular way of life, or to being who you are created to be?  These examples are not mutually exclusive, but it matters where you start. 

So, what if you lived your life, related to people, and led from being who you are created to be? Would your life, relationships, work be more creative, more satisfying, more impactful? When you pursue your work with purpose it becomes a reservoir of energy, joy, and well-being that keeps you moving forward when facing challenges and adversity. 

Purpose empowers.

Your purpose empowers you to strive for something bigger than yourself. It is not about a position in a hierarchy or about having power over people. It is about sharing and giving power to others. Just as your purpose is being who you were created to be, you assist others in becoming who they were created to be. In this way, purpose is bigger than you. It includes the people entrusted to your card.

Purpose makes you courageous and resilient.

It energizes you to take risks by facing your challenges and fears with stability and hope. It calls you to grow and to be more vulnerable, more courageous, and more resilient than you thought was possible. The ability to take risks is a key to effective leadership. It is required to lead into and through any situation. Having a bigger purpose is what motivates you to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. 

Purpose helps you engage others. 

When you live into your purpose and assist others to live into their purpose, you build engagement. People go the extra mile because their hearts, as well as their minds, are engaged. Effective leaders inspire action through a contagious sense of purpose. 

Purpose helps you navigate obstacles and uncertainty.

Your purpose allows you to be decisive and courageous and empathic and hopeful in service of a bigger cause. When you are living out of your purpose, you make a unique impact upon the lives of the people around you. You contribute to making the world better. It shows up in your decisions, how you face challenges, how you relate to others. However it shows up, when you identify your purpose, you are energized, and you are able to lead through whatever obstacles and uncertainty you face.   

Your Next Steps

So, as you step into this new year, here is what you do. Set aside 10 minutes to answer these questions and to do the following: 

Step 1

Answer these questions: What brings you joy in life? What do you enjoy doing that helps you come alive? What are the experiences that energize you at work, at home, in life?

Purpose comes from your heart, your intuition, and from your emotions. It moves you because you are one with who God created you to be, one with yourself, and one with the people around you.

You might have to take extra time to truly answer this question. But when you come to an understanding of your purpose, you will be blessed beyond measure.

Step 2

Take notes on your reflection. Make mental notes if you don’t write them down.

What are those experiences that energize you at work, at home, in life? Reflect upon the common themes. What are you doing? Who are you being? What strengths are you exercising? What do people seek you out for? What are the challenges you have faced? What inner resources have you developed to overcome those challenges? Who are you drawn to help? 

Step 3

What leadership legacy do you want to leave? What lasting impact do you want to make? In your family? In your work? In your life?

Reflect on and seriously consider what the ideal world would look like if you were in charge? How do you want your contributions to be remembered? A leader with purpose makes a world changing impact when he/she leads out of their purpose.

For me, a perfect world is where everyone is becoming who God created them to be in their relationships with one another. It is your sense of purpose that moves you from being a transactional leader to a transformational leader. 

Step 4

Now find a trusted friend or colleague and share with them your work. Invite them on the journey with you so you can become more the leader you have been created to be. 

Wow! That seems like a lot at the beginning of the year. But, wouldn’t it feel good to be in your sweet spot, where you are your most effective and are making your greatest impact, and at the same time living a joy filled life? It starts with becoming who you are created to be. The question is, what is your purpose? Only you know the answer.

Sara Thomas and I are with you in your leadership journey. When we can be of encouragement or help to you, contact us at connect@transformingmission.org. We are ready to assist you in becoming the leader you are created to be. Don’t hesitate to call as we seek to give insights and resources to assist you in becoming a courageous leader.

Check out our LeaderCast podcast. This month, Sara and I are talking with leaders about purpose. This is one resource you will want to have as you navigate the challenges of 2021. Remember, who you are is how you lead. Let’s face what is coming together.