The Habits of Courageous Leaders

Did you hear the story of the little boy who fell out of bed? When his mother asked him what happened, he answered, “I don’t know. I guess I stayed too close to where I got in.”

It is easy to do the same with our faith. It is tempting to stay close to where we got in and never move.

Growth is important to every Christian. When a Christian stops growing, help is needed. If you are the same Christian you were a few months ago, be careful. You might need a checkup. Not on your body but on your heart. You don’t need a physical checkup, you need a spiritual checkup.

Growth is especially important in becoming a courageous leader.

Becoming a Courageous Leader – Grow

A few weeks ago, Sara Thomas introduced us to a weekly checkup called TGIF: Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration, and Faith. She wrote, “…if all leadership begins with self-leadership, there are things that need to improve.” She continued, “I know the impact reflection has on transformation. If you want growth, stop and reflect.”

She proposed taking time each week to reflect upon four TGIF questions to assist in growing in faith and in developing as courageous leaders:

What am I TRUSTING?
For whom or what am I GRATEFUL?
What is INSPIRING me?
How am I practicing FAITH?

T.G.I.F.

Today, I want to share my experience with this spiritual habit. It has become a weekly checkup for me.

I Want to TGIF! Send me the Guide!

Trusting

What am I trusting?

I am trusting the habit of prayer. I have been reflecting upon Paul’s words to the Roman Christians, “Be happy in your hope, stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and devote yourselves to prayer” (Romans 12:12 CEB). I have learned that the only way I can deepen my prayer life is to pray. In fact, I am trusting a shift in my habit. It is a shift from having a prayer life to living a life of prayer.

I have also learned that courageous leaders have a habit of prayer. So, let me offer you some encouragement. If you want to deepen your prayer life, then pray. Trust your relationship with God and pray. Don’t attend a prayer lecture, engage in prayer discussions, or read “how-to” pray books. Each activity is important, but the best way to establish a habit of prayer is to pray.

Grateful

For whom or what am I grateful?

This week, I am grateful for trusted friends. I am grateful for those so close they not only love me just the way I am, but they give of themselves so I can become who God created me to be. I am grateful for the embodiment of unconditional and unselfish love. I am grateful for the habit of meeting with or connecting with those who can speak truth with such love that I want to be more like Jesus.

It has been my experience that courageous leaders are surrounded with trusted friends who love so deeply they can speak the truth that brings transformation. As leaders, we have the opportunity to model such love. I have learned that without those trusted friends, it is easy to compete with one another, insist on our own way, and quarrel with one another. Courageous leaders, surrounded in love, step into the world to live and lead in such a way that we model the love of Jesus.

I Want to TGIF! Send me the Guide!

Inspiration

What is inspiring me?

This week, the habit of worship is inspiring me. Consider the words from the letter to the Hebrews, “Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing. Instead, encourage each other especially as you see the day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25 CEB). Because I worship in different churches, with different Christians, at different times, I have learned to celebrate God’s love in every act of worship.

Through my experience of worship, I have learned that courageous leaders are inspired in and through a habit of worship. So often, as leaders, you and I need support and encouragement. We need to be with people who celebrate God’s love in Jesus and who share God’s love as natural as breathing. We need the fellowship of like-hearted people, focused upon Jesus, leading the mission of reaching out and receiving people in God’s love, introducing people to God’s love, practicing God’s love, and engaging the community in God’s love.

Faith

How am I practicing faith? I am practicing faith by fixing my eyes on Jesus. My Lenten journey has me engaged in reflecting and sharing the grace I have experienced in and through Jesus and my friends.

This week I have reflected upon Jesus looking at the broken and distorted parts of my life. Instead of judging and condemning me, Jesus knelt in front of me and, from the basin of grace, he scooped a palm full of mercy and washed away my sin. This week I have reflected upon how he has taken up residence in my life and has given me the opportunity to offer the grace I have received. Because he has a forgiving heart, I have a forgiving heart. Because he has forgiven me, I can forgive others.

Courageous Leadership

John, in his Gospel, writes, “If I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash each other’s feet. I did this as an example so that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:14-15).

As courageous leaders, you and I must look beyond the literal reading of that scripture and allow ourselves to be washed by God’s love. Courageous leadership is rooted in the message of God’s mercy. Jesus offers unconditional love so we can offer unconditional love. God’s grace precedes our mistakes, so our grace precedes the mistakes of others. Those of us in the circle of Christ have no doubt of his love. We now have the responsibility of enlarging the circle to include others who should have no doubt of our love.

If you and I are going to be who God created us to be, we need to keep growing in our faith. So, how are you growing in faith? What are you trusting? For whom or what are you grateful? What is inspiring you? How are you practicing faith?

Courageous leaders don’t make the mistake of the little boy. They have habits that help them grow beyond where they started, engage in God’s love, and grow to become who God created them to be. So, let it be!

I Want to TGIF! Send me the Guide!

Bible Study, Disciple-Making, Follow Jesus, Gospel, Missional, Relate to One Another

Words of Courageous Leaders

Words are Powerful

Are you familiar with the cartoon B.C.?

There are two characters I want to point out: A woman who carries a big stick and a snake. In one cartoon, the woman is beating the snake with her stick.

One day, as she is walking up one side of a hill, the snake is coming up the other side of the hill. They meet at the top. At that moment the woman realizes that she does not have her stick. So, she looks at the snake and says, “Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!”

In the next frame, the snake is in a hundred pieces. The caption reads, “Oh the power of the spoken word.”

Yes, words are powerful.

Words Create Worlds

You can use words to create images and assumptions. Those words shape the way we view one another and the world. You can use words to encourage and build up as well as discourage and tear down. Words feed our prejudices, cultivate relationships, and set the course for decision-making.

Over the past several weeks, in the United Methodist Church, there has been a plethora of words that have given birth to disillusionment and disappointment. I have felt the distress, anxiety, and pain that have come with words like anger, fear, and defeat.

A word from the Word

As I have reflected upon our situation, I have wondered if we are anything like the church at Ephesus. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul wrote, “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that builds up and provides what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.”

Because Paul wrote those words to a church, does it mean that there were problems with the way people spoke to one another?

The church in Ephesus was a diverse church. Because of its diversity, there was a conflict of values. The Jews, who had a deep ethical background, were people who lived with religious values. The Gentiles, who did not have the same background or heritage, had a different set of values.

I can image there were times when the two sets of values clashed and created tension. So, Paul is teaching about the new life in Christ. He was teaching what would become some of the values of the Christian faith.

Ephesians 4:25 – 4:29

Let’s look at this passage closely.

Ephesians 4:25

“…putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors.”

In other words, stop making up what you don’t know and tell the truth. You don’t have to exaggerate your importance or project a more desirable image. You belong to one another. Your life and talk are dedicated to the truth rather than to yourself. So, give up falsehood and speak the truth.

Ephesians 4:26

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not make room for the devil.”

Anger is not necessarily evil or sinful, but nursing a grudge or unforgiveness is. It poisons your life and the life of the church or community. It is in the unforgiveness that gives root to evil. So, care for your anger. Understand your emotions and respond appropriately.

Ephesians 4:28

“Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy.” Paul gives a warning against stealing. The assumption is that those who have the world’s goods will share with others.

Ephesians 4:29

“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” (TEV)

In a time of conflict, Paul is instructing the church to say kind, supportive, encouraging words. When you open your mouth, do not let evil talk come out of your mouth. Don’t diss one another. Say only what is useful for building up as there is need so that your words may give grace to those who hear. The teaching is similar to Jesus saying, “it is not what goes in but what comes out that defiles…”

What Is Paul Teaching Us?

May we learn something from Paul here? In times of stress and conflict, use kind, caring words of truth. Be a courageous leader. Step up and name the current reality while speaking the truth with care and encouragement. Be the leader who uses helpful words to build up those who hear them.

Although she is writing about more than words, Brene Brown writes, “In times of uncertainty, it is common for leaders to leverage fear and weaponize it to their advantage…If you can keep people afraid, and give them an enemy who is responsible for their fear, you can get people to do just about anything.”¹

Consider for a moment: How have your words created fear? How are you creating time and space for safe conversations?

Brown also says, “…when we are managing during times of scarcity or deep uncertainty, it is imperative that we embrace the uncertainty…We need to be available to fact-check the stories that team members may be making up, because in scarcity we invent worse case scenarios.”²

Consider for a moment: Are you making up what you don’t know? How are you helping lower the levels of anxiety with your words?

A Final Reminder

In times like these, we don’t need to be right. But we do need to be righteous. Not self-righteous but holy as God is holy. If you are unsure about God holiness, look at Jesus. In Jesus, you will find the embodiment of God’s holiness and love.

Remember, it is Jesus who said, “it is not what goes in but what comes out that defiles…” As a leader, take the time to allow God’s Word, Jesus, to take up residence in your life. When you do, it will be Jesus who comes out.

“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that builds up and provides what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” (Ephesians 4:29 TEV).

Ready to put your words and actions together? Download the Rumble Starter Kit and Listen to Episode 059 of LeaderCast: How to Rumble

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Brene Brown, Dare to Lead, p. 104
Ibid., p. 105

Follow Jesus, Missional, Relate to One Another

Be Who You Are

Over the past several weeks, I have been thinking of who you and I need to be in the midst of the stress and anxiety of our United Methodist Church. I’ve been thinking:

Who or what makes us who we need to be for the congregations and communities we serve?
What makes any one of us effective in our leadership?

Over the years of my ministry, I have learned that I become a more effective leader when I have clarity about who I am and why I do what I do. I have learned that I become a more effective leader when I trust who God has created me to be. Edwin Friedman calls this self-differentiation.¹

Self-Differentiated Leaders

How do you and I become self-differentiated leaders? What helps us remember who we are as Jesus followers and keeps us focused upon why we do what we do?

Jonathan Saks, in his book Lessons in Leadership, writes,

“The great leaders know their own limits. They do not try to do it all themselves. They build teams. They create space for people who are strong where they are weak. They understand the importance of checks and balances and the separation of powers. They surround themselves with people who are different from them. They understand the danger of concentrating all power in a single individual. But learning your limits, knowing there are things you cannot do – even things you cannot be – can be a painful experience. Sometimes it involves an emotional crisis.”

According to Saks, effective leaders are honest with themselves. They have the courage to say yes to who they are and no to who they are not. Even in the midst of pain and conflict, they emerge less conflicted and more focused than before.

Biblical Examples of Self Differentiation

Saks uses examples of people like:

Lot, a Hebrew and not a citizen of Sodom. Lot leaves Sodom with difficulty. He has invested his whole future in a new identity for himself and his family. Lot is paralyzed by ambivalence. He is torn with inner conflict. Yet, he leaves Sodom. (Genesis 19:16ff)
Abraham’s steward is given the responsibility of finding a suitable mate for Isaac. The steward is ambivalent. He hesitates because he is conflicted between loyalty to Abraham and his personal ambition. Loyalty won but not without a deep struggle. (Genesis 24:12ff)
Joseph is living in a new and strange land. He is seduced by Potipher’s wife. He refuses her advances. But he has great inner conflict. He struggles with who he is. Why not do what the Egyptians do? He struggles with is identity, “Am I an Egyptian or a Jew?” (Genesis 39:7ff)

Effective leadership, according to Saks, grows out of our struggle in the midst of a conflict of values. So, in the midst of the stress and anxiety of our United Methodist Church, what helps us remember who we are as Jesus followers and keeps us focused upon why we do what we do?

Remember

At baptisms in our local churches, we hear the words, “remember your baptism and be thankful.” We are saying, remember who you are and whose we are.

In baptism, we acknowledge that we are claimed by God, initiated into the Christian community, and called to ministry. In Luke’s story of the baptism of Jesus, the words are, “you are my beloved Son, with you I am well pleased.”

As effective leaders, we remember that we are God’s beloved and that we are part of God’s plan and purpose. So, in the midst of stress and anxiety, remember who and whose you are.

In the church, when participating in Holy Communion, we hear the words, “do this in remembrance of me.” In other words, remember why you do what you do.

The word “remembrance” means to “wake up, to open your eyes, to call to mind or action.” In Holy Communion, we wake up to why we do what we do.

Who Do You Need to Be?

As effective leaders, we must wake up to why we do what we do. So, in the midst of stress and anxiety, remember why you are in this ministry as a follower of Jesus.

I have been thinking of who you and I need to be in the midst of the stress and anxiety of our United Methodist Church. I believe we need to be leaders of authenticity and integrity. We need to be courageous, more dependent upon character and charisma. We need to be strong from the inside out and have the capacity to model and share God’s love in difficult situations.

Together, we need to be missional leaders who can and will lead our congregations to engage our communities, neighborhoods, and cities in love of God in the midst of stress and anxiety. In short, we need to be self-differentiated leaders who know who we are in relationship with Jesus, our congregations, and our communities.

As Jesus followers, be who you are. Even if leading is painful, stand firm in faith and move forward with grace.

Edwin Friedman, Generation to Generation and A Failure of Nerve

Courage, Follow Jesus, Relate to One Another

Trusting Jesus

I wrote a few weeks ago that every Friday I am answering four questions. The first question is this: Who or what am I trusting?

In the midst of the decisions made at General Conference and my desire to coach our pastors through this season, I answered that question by saying, “I’m trusting Jesus.”

My purpose here is not to delineate the plans or debate the choices made at General Conference. My purpose here is to say, I am trusting Jesus to help us embody the love of God to one another in our words, our actions, and our interactions.

I am trusting Jesus to help us remember who we are and whose we are. All so we can love God, love our neighbors, and change the world.

To that end, Tim and I extended an invitation to the appointed pastors in Capitol Area South District to join us on Thursday at one of two clergy gatherings. Our desire is to help the appointed pastors continue to be the leaders they need in this season of ministry. (Appointed Pastors, please contact the CAS Office if you didn’t receive the invitation last Friday.)

What values are at play?

If there is anything that I can say one week after General Conference, it is this: there are A LOT of intense feelings swirling around us and in our faith communities.

So, in addition to the questions above, I invite you to consider this question: Underneath the feelings you have, what values are at play? This question is meant to help you begin to process what you are feeling, not to debate the merits of the General Conference decisions.

Our feelings are often driven by our values. When our values are pressed or denied, we can find ourselves in conflict. To explore what you’re feeling, consider the 3-4 values driving your feelings.

If you’re feeling…

anxious, what value is underneath it?
victorious, what value is underneath it?
hurt, what value is underneath it?
confused, what value is underneath it?
relieved, what value is underneath it?
sad, what value is underneath it?
___, what value is underneath it?

An Invitation

I have had countless conversations with pastors and people in our congregations. General Conference has left a large number of individuals with a need to further explore their reactions, feelings, and responses. Helping people in processing is what I have been trained to do as a coach – in complete confidentiality and impartiality.

As many of you know, we created Coaching Cohorts for pastors in the district. In addition, I am making myself available for one-time, individual coaching conversations for pastors during this time.

I have created some space in my calendar over the next several weeks.
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This conversation would be different from some interactions you might have because the purpose is not to commiserate, celebrate or persuade. My commitment is to objectively help you explore your feelings, needs and responses in an environment of complete confidentiality.
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Click here to let me know if a generative conversation for the purpose of processing would be helpful to you right now.

I’m trusting Jesus. Are you? Wherever you find yourself, may you be reminded of the love of God we know in Jesus. Or as I often like to say, “God loves you and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

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